And the winner is...

First of all, why can't American Idol end on time? Thankfully I got home just before 10 PM and turned on the end of the show or I would have missed the announcement of the winner. Which is, to be fair, a key part of the FINALE. Two hours and they can't manage to make sure the last 10 minutes work out? WTF?

Anyway, it was worth taping the show so that I could fast-forward to the group performances. And I was not disappointed. Right off the bat, I am treated to this - a Motown group sing. And it's not even my birthday. Behold - but beware this clip might cause a seizure:



Please be sure to watch David Archuleta "dance." Particularly when he's walking with two other guys. Cause he kind of moves like the monster in Young Frankenstein. I have hope he can over come this becuase he's young. Sadly, the clip cuts off right before the camera panned the crowd and, more importantly, to one Ms. Janice Dickinson.

And then the next best part was when they made all the female contestants come out dressed like jezebels and harlots in red dresses and sing the songs of Donna Summer AND THEN were joined by Donna Summer! She's no Chaka Khan, but she is a decent substitute.

Also excellent? The jazzy remake of what I call "My Baby Wrote Me a Letter" by Carly and Michael Johns.

Not excellent? Paula's bosoms. She should put those away. This is a family show.

Excellent? The male contestants singing a Bryan Adams medley. David Hernandez - rawr!

Excellent? ZZ Top. I saw one of those guys in a bar in Nashville once. That was awesome. It's also a bar that essentially only serves hot dogs. So pretty much, my favorite bar ever.

Equal parts awesome and frightening? The Guitar Hero commercial featuring David Cook as Tom Cruise in Risky Business? Is there some sort of David Archuleta companion commercial that I fast-forwarded through? I mean, they can't make a commercial with David Archuleta in his underwear because he's a minor, right? Right?

It's increasingly becoming clear that I'm digging the finale which is odd because I've been fairly apathetic about the entire season thus far. But now, I'm won over by the Jonas Brothers song S.O.S. (which is unavoidable because they are everywhere - they were bound to wear me down) and now they are throwing David Archuleta into singing Apolgize with One Republic. And it hardly even sounds like he's singing about Jesus, so clearly he's improving.

Oh wait, now we're back on track. Jordin Sparks has shown horrible judgement by wearing a gold lame (accent on the e) dress. First of all, it's gold. And lame (accent on the e). Secondly, it's not even flattering gold lame (accent on the e).

And now, I'm won back over by video of Gladys Knight with Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr. as The Pips. Damn you, Fox. You really know how to get me. Midnight Train to Georgia will do it any time. RDJ might even have a future as a Pip if he's interested. He's kind of suave.

Ooh - Carrie Underwood. She's also made an unfortunate fashion choice, but I love this song - Last Name. Also, her legs are so fantastic, it's a crime. Between her and the Pussycat Dolls, I'm starting to think I should wear nothing but heels all the time.

Oh no!!!! The Guitar Hero commercial with Archuleta! It's also Risky Business. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Well at least he's wearing boxers so I don't have to gouge out my eyes.

And just like that, I'm right back in with a George Michael medley. Ooh - they put the boys in suits and gave David Hernandez a lyric with "naked" in it. Risque, Fox, risque. And I think they've amped up the eyeliner on David Cook. Excellent move. Oh man, this whole segment is genius. Even before they brought out George Michael, but that is definitely a welcome addition. Especially because I think he's wearing Katie Holmes' sunglasses.



And even the announcement of the winner won't top that. So, I'll just say - Congratulations, David. And that I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of filler in this finale.