Scenes From a Bar: You Are Not the Boss of Me

Friday night, I went out with Kelly, Maureen and Gail. Eventually, Kelly and I were lucky enough to be interrupted by the guy next to us and his bizarre friend. I'm thankful though, or I would have gotten to participate in the following conversation. Behold:

Guy that I'm not even remotely interested in: What are you drinking?
Me: Bud Light
G: Can I buy you one?
M: No, thanks. I'm good.
G: Why aren't you drinking wine?
M: Because I wanted Bud Light.
G: Why don't you try a nice Cabernet?
M: Because I am drinking Bud Light.
G: Cosmos are good. Why don't you have a cosmo?
M: I don't want a cosmo. I am happy to drink Bud Light. What do you care?
G: You shouldn't drink domestic beer. You should drink imported beer. Have you tried Stella Artois?
M: I have and I didn't like it. (Editor's note: I'm not sure I've ever tried Stella Artois but that really wasn't the point - especially not this deep into the conversation.) I like to buy American.
G: Domestic beer is only about $6 for a six-pack. Imported beer is twice that. Why don't you let me buy you an import?
M: Who buys six-packs? I don't want an import. I like Bud Light. Why don't you buy me a Bud Light and give me the cash difference?
G: That's funny. Just for that, I'm buying you a Bud Light.
(Editor's note: He also offers to buy Kelly a drink and then tries to backtrack when she orders later. We do not let him get away with it.)

Fast-forward a bit - he interrupts our conversation yet again, so that we can have this exchange.

G: Where would you go on your dream vacation?
M: I don't know. I've always wanted to go to Germany so I think there.
G: Where in Germany?
M: Well, my cousin is near Frankfurt so probably there.
G: Oh no. Frankfurt is the financial city - you don't want to go there.
M: So, let me get this straight. You ask me what I'm drinking, and then proceed to tell me why I'm wrong to be drinking it. Then you ask me where I want to go on my dream vacation and proceed to tell me why I don't want to go there. Um, I have a list of people who are the boss of me - and you are nowhere near on that list.
G: I was just offering my opinion.
M: But I didn't ask your opinion on where I should go on my dream vacation. But thank you for your concern.

He then proceeded to tell me that I wouldn't be allergic to his cats. I guess he is very familiar with my medical history and also an allergy specialist of some sort. Jerk. He still didn't go away nearly soon enough, but eventually he did. Hard to believe, but I let that one get away.

Reason Why I Love New York #268: Getting Propositioned in the Cereal Aisle

Nicole and I got to participate in the following scene in the grocery store while looking for cereal last night.

Melanie: Do you see (insert brand name here)?
Nicole: Hmm, it's not on this shelf.
Crazy Cereal Shopping Guy (to Melanie): You should let me take you out. I'm a revolutionary.
Melanie: Um, no thanks. I'm ok.
Crazy Cereal Shopping Guy: Maybe you're not okay and you don't even know it.
Melanie: Um, could be.
Nicole (to Melanie): Don't see it here either...
Crazy Cereal Shopping Guy (to Nicole): What kind of country are you from?
Melanie: This kind.
Crazy Cereal Shopping Guy (to Nicole): You look exotic.
Melanie: Okay, let's go.

End scene.

I love this city.

Scenes from a Bar: I Wouldn't Say I Have High Standards, But I Do Like My Suitors to Have All of Their Teeth

I continued my Reintroduction to Society Summer Tour on Saturday night at my new favorite bar in my neighborhood. It's a totally awesome pub, with excellent bar food and even when it's crowded there's still room to breathe. I went with a couple girls that I work with - one of them started chatting up a guy sitting next to her so the other girl and I were chit-chatting, drinking beer and half-watching the sports on TV. So at some point, this guy who'd been standing next to me asks me to watch his drink so he could go outside and smoke. So I say sure and he says "thanks. don't spit in it." Which, okay. But did he really feel like he needed to add that part? And if he was afraid I'd spit in it, why'd he ask me to watch it in the first place? But at any rate, he came back and started talking to me and the girl that I work with. Here's the general conversation:

Guy: What do you do?
Me: I work for the man.
Guy: Doing what?
Me: Making sure candy bars are artfully arranged on tables.
Guy: You're funny.
Me: I'm not kidding.
Guy: Where's your boyfriend?
Me: I wish I knew.
Guy: I like your haircut. Will you watch my drink again?
Me: Sure.
Me to girl I work with: Is he missing teeth?
Girl I work with: Oh, most definitely.
Me: Awesome.
Guy: Where's your boyfriend?
Me: Still not sure.
Guy: You're funny. Can I have your number?
Me: I'm not giving my number out this evening.
Guy: You're evil. But you're funny. I like you. Can I get your number?
Me: I'm not giving out my number.
Guy: Can I give you my number?
Me: You can give it to me, but I'm not going to call it.
Guy: You're evil. But at least you're honest.
Me: Yep.
Guy: I've been in jail.
Me: Huh.
Guy: So why can't I give you my number?
Me: I told you - you can. I'm just not going to call it.
Guy: Why not?
Me: Cause I'm looking for a silver fox.
Guy: Yo, are you serious?
Me: Yep. As serious as I am about anything else I've said tonight.
Guy: Why would you say that?
Me: Why wouldn't I say that? I would make an excellent second wife for some guy who already has kids and a good job.
Guy: You're evil. Can I give you my number?
Me: I gotta go.

Now frankly, even if he had all his teeth, this would not have been a boy for me. But that certainly didn't help his cause. Oh well. The Reintroduction to Society Summer Tour continues with a couple different outings this week so stay tuned for the next installment!