Scenes from a Bar: I Wouldn't Say I Have High Standards, But I Do Like My Suitors to Have All of Their Teeth

I continued my Reintroduction to Society Summer Tour on Saturday night at my new favorite bar in my neighborhood. It's a totally awesome pub, with excellent bar food and even when it's crowded there's still room to breathe. I went with a couple girls that I work with - one of them started chatting up a guy sitting next to her so the other girl and I were chit-chatting, drinking beer and half-watching the sports on TV. So at some point, this guy who'd been standing next to me asks me to watch his drink so he could go outside and smoke. So I say sure and he says "thanks. don't spit in it." Which, okay. But did he really feel like he needed to add that part? And if he was afraid I'd spit in it, why'd he ask me to watch it in the first place? But at any rate, he came back and started talking to me and the girl that I work with. Here's the general conversation:

Guy: What do you do?
Me: I work for the man.
Guy: Doing what?
Me: Making sure candy bars are artfully arranged on tables.
Guy: You're funny.
Me: I'm not kidding.
Guy: Where's your boyfriend?
Me: I wish I knew.
Guy: I like your haircut. Will you watch my drink again?
Me: Sure.
Me to girl I work with: Is he missing teeth?
Girl I work with: Oh, most definitely.
Me: Awesome.
Guy: Where's your boyfriend?
Me: Still not sure.
Guy: You're funny. Can I have your number?
Me: I'm not giving my number out this evening.
Guy: You're evil. But you're funny. I like you. Can I get your number?
Me: I'm not giving out my number.
Guy: Can I give you my number?
Me: You can give it to me, but I'm not going to call it.
Guy: You're evil. But at least you're honest.
Me: Yep.
Guy: I've been in jail.
Me: Huh.
Guy: So why can't I give you my number?
Me: I told you - you can. I'm just not going to call it.
Guy: Why not?
Me: Cause I'm looking for a silver fox.
Guy: Yo, are you serious?
Me: Yep. As serious as I am about anything else I've said tonight.
Guy: Why would you say that?
Me: Why wouldn't I say that? I would make an excellent second wife for some guy who already has kids and a good job.
Guy: You're evil. Can I give you my number?
Me: I gotta go.

Now frankly, even if he had all his teeth, this would not have been a boy for me. But that certainly didn't help his cause. Oh well. The Reintroduction to Society Summer Tour continues with a couple different outings this week so stay tuned for the next installment!