Listening Lounge Farewell: The Mamas & The Papas

Clearly, I'm not that regular in updating the sidebar any more, or since last fall for that matter. I'll be using my new blip.fm station to update the Listening Lounge moving forward.

Thunder and Lightning Strike Last‏

So this past weekend, I went upstate to celebrate Father’s Day and run the Summer Sizzle with my dad. As you know, I’ve been training for the Boilermaker – which is 9.3 miles – so a nice little five mile run three weeks before the main event seemed like a great idea.

The Summer Sizzle has prizes for family teams – mother/son, mother/daughter, husband/wife, etc., so my dad and I registered as a father/daughter team. Team name? Thunder (my dad) and Lightning (me). Oh yeah, baby! And the team name is especially great because most other teams have names like “Team Smith.” Suck on that, bitches!

Women and men run separate in this race, with women starting at 8:00 AM and men starting at 9:00 AM. I’ve been training for a while and was hoping to run this race in 65 minutes – a 13-minute mile. Respectable pace, nothing to be ashamed of, and great for me as I’ve only run outside a handful of times. So, that’s the goal.

Us, pre-race. So full of hope.

The women line up. I stay towards the back because I want my mom to get a good picture of me (what a blogger doesn’t do for her readers).

Check out my guns!

And then, I can’t catch up. I can see the last couple people, but most of the women are long gone.

You know what happens when you’re the last person in a race? It depends on the race. In some, you get followed by a police car, or an ambulance. In this race? You get followed by a person on a bike. For the entire five miles. A person on a bike right next to me. Sometimes going a little bit up ahead and circling back. Sometimes dropping behind me a bit. Sometimes putting on the brakes on the downhill to not get too far ahead of me. You know what that sounds like? “Squeak! Squeaakkkk! SQQQUUUEEEEAAAKKKK!”

You know what else happens when you’re last and being accompanied by the bicycle? With every traffic checkpoint you pass, you get to hear this exchange:

Cop directing traffic: This the last one?
Bike person: This is the last one.

So, there I am, running along, singing “Gimme Some Lovin” in my head to help me pace myself. And I’m dying to walk for a minute but feel all this pressure not to walk because PERSON ON A BIKE FIVE FEET AWAY!!!! And I periodically lose sight of all other runners, but it's cool because I've got a personal escort on a bike to give me directions - "you're going to turn left up here."

The course is actually kind of neat and takes you through a turnaround in the park about halfway through. As I come out of the turnaround (with my escort), approaching us are two fire/EMT guys on bikes.

Me: Are they here to make sure I'm not dead?
Bike person: They are always late.
EMT bike guy #1: Sorry we're late.
(No joke. That exchange actually happened.)

So, to recap, I'm just about to start my last two miles and I now have THREE PEOPLE ON BIKES FOLLOWING ME. They are very encouraging the entire time - "you're doing great," "I couldn't do this that's why I'm on a bike." But now I'm to the part of the run where I'm a little emotional. It's my first race over 5K. I know I'm last. I'm telling myself that it's okay to be last, no big deal, that the important part is that I'm feeling good and that I'm doing it. And I've got my entourage telling me I'm doing good. And I've got all the checkpoint traffic folks telling me I'm doing good. But the adrenaline is pumping and I'm getting emotional. And I'm trying really hard not to cry, which just makes me feel like I'm about to hyperventilate. It's a vicious, vicious circle. But no way in HELL am I going to let myself cry, because THERE ARE THREE PEOPLE ON BIKES and then it will be a "production." So, I slow down my pace for a couple minutes to try and catch my breath and then just keep on keeping on.

At this point, I'm in the last mile. And I figure I'm probably looking at a 75 minute run rather than a 65 minute run. But then I hear a clock tower signaling 9:00 AM and I think that maybe I'm not as far behind as I thought. And I know they are getting ready to start the men's race. My bike escort (the original) tells me to stay to the right because the race starts/ends on the same stretch of road and she doesn't want me to get plowed by all the men. So I'm in the home stretch.

Hey, Mom! Check out my entourage!

And I'm running, waiting for the men to start running towards me. And then I realize, they are HOLDING UP THE MEN'S RACE UNTIL I FINISH. Are you effin kidding me??? I've got three people on bikes behind me and now 82 men (give or take) waiting for me to finish before I can start? Can this get any more humiliating?

Yeah - see the 82 men lined up, waiting?

Thankfully, the answer is no. The guy who's job it is to start the race asks the men to give me a round of applause as I finish. I turn the corner towards the finish line and finish in 1:02:47 - just over 2 minutes LESS than the time I was hoping to finish in. AND - a perfectly respectable time!

In the meantime, my dad has started the race so I go wait with my mom for him to finish.

Here comes Thunder!

And here he is in the home stretch!

Thunder came in at 56:42, making our combined father/daughter time 1:59:39 (if my math is correct).

Note that his official time is different than the clock time.
Pretty sure that is my fault.

The winning father/daughter team time? 1:12:15.

All in all, we were both pretty pleased with our times and with how we felt when we finished.

Even so, Team Humphrey better watch their backs next year, because Thunder and Lightning strike last...

Anatomy of a Table Flip

I'm working on my entry about the weekend and promise it is worth the wait. In the meantime - check out my favorite scene from last week's Real Housewives of New Jersey finale, director's cut. The two-part reunion airs tonight and Thursday (and I'm sure 200 other times) and I cannot wait. If you haven't been watching, find thee a marathon STAT and learn all about "bubbies" and "chuckies." You won't be disappointed.

Fun at the Seattle Aquarium, Part One

I had a really great weekend at home and a ton of fun at the race with my parents yesterday. And I know I've said it before, but I really am going to try and be better about blogging with a little more frequency.

Here as proof that I'm not just feeding you the same line again, a video from my trip to the Seattle aquarium. The biggest freaking otters I've ever seen. But cute even so. Enjoy!

Text Message Hall of Fame Entry from My Mom

This just in from my mom. Too good not to share.

billy joel is back on the market. get going. you only have to stay 5 years. do not sign prenup.

She is a wise woman, y'all.

The Onion Has Video Clips!!!!

I didn't know this, but I'm so glad I found out today. Behold:


Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

I Heart Will Ferrell (Part Two)

The jeopardy skit is finally online! Behold:

Guest Blogger Jason: The 2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee

Once again, everything you read here is the work of Jason.

NEETA IN 2010!!!

Yes, it’s me, yet again, guest blogging the 2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee. Happily, this years Spelling Bee wasn’t on a Friday night as last year, so I was ok with myself for being home and watching it (not that I have any plans for tomorrow night as of yet – anyone?).

As promised last year, I made sure that there was plenty of alcohol on hand. These items included beer (regular and GF of course); red and white wines; juices, soda and teas; as well as some hard liquors. I didn’t partake in all of them, but wanted to have a selection on hand just in case someone stopped by to watch with me.

So in my A-N-N-U-A-L fashion, here is what I learned this year:

S. I still can't spell for S-^-*-T.
Spell (spell) verb: name, write, or give the letters of words, syllables, etc.

P. I should've invited F-I-T-Z over tonight for the festivities - only she would've appreciated it. (At least I think she would, you know, never have met her and all.)

E. I don't have enough vowels in my name to become a Spelling Bee finalist.

L. My goal in the next year is to sit next to Tom Bergeron and provide the commentary for the 2010 Bee.

L. Babies should not be allowed in or near the stage area.

I. I’m happy for TIVO…as I flipped through a lot of the filler.
TIVO (tee-vo) noun: a company offering a branded subscription-based interactive television service that lets viewers program and control which television shows they watch and when; also, the service offered by this company.

N. Melanie should change her last name to Skye-Laine Lobsinger (seriously, at age 13, do you need that many names Serena?) – I E-N-C-O-U-R-A-G-E the rest of you to do that as well. Just think – Musings By MSkyeLL – it has a nice ring to it!

G. Is it over yet?

B. I could never have a blog to keep up with. I can barely come up with text for this tri-yearly one that I cover, let alone on a daily or weekly basis.

E. My word of the bee and I don’t know why – H-U-I-S-A-C-H-E
Huisache (wee-sah-chee) noun: a tropical and subtropical New World shrub, Acacia farnesiana, of the legume family, having clusters of fragrant, deep-yellow flower heads.

E. Neeta Chandak was my favorite of this Bee. Besides being from NY, she took her loss in stride after spelling D-E-R-R-I-N-G-U-E without the 2nd “R”, by comedically adding a “DING” at the end of it, knowing full well she was out!

Overall, not as exciting of a bee (or guest blog) as last year, but then again, can they ever top the prior year?

Until next time, this is the O-N-L-Y Musings Guest Blogger (aren’t you jealous KD?)…over and out! D-I-N-G!

We Bring the Party With Us!

Over the weekend, I went to visit my brother and his family for Memorial Day. Pictures will be coming soon, as soon as I determine if any of them are fit for posting on the internet. In the meantime, review the email below from the karaoke guy at the local watering hole. That's right - we got name checked. Woot! Woot!

Hi everyone,

I wanted to fire off this e-mail early because I'm on vacation tomorrow for a little R&R and some I&I. (the rumor about rehab is not true). I'll be back in the U.S.A. on June 4th and will be back at Chris-Tina's on the 6th. I may not get the chance to e-mail you again so please put this in your memory bank.

Last night was great. Thanks to everyone who came out. Especially the Clarks. Charlene brought her sister Melissa and Dan brought his sister Melanie. You guys are too much fun. Could you adopt me. I could be like a much older brother. Also let me mention the young group from the New College in NYC. I hope I got that right. They were up here competing with their debating team. Believe me when I tell you the debate is over. You guys rock. Mio please pass this message on to Suzy, Willie, Jim and Aubrey I hope I didn't miss anyone.

We sorely missed those of you who could not be there. I know that this a busy weekend. I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend. Keep in mind the reason we celebrate. Remember the brave men and women who serve in the forces that guard our country and protect our way of life and especially those who made the ultimate sacrifice with their lives.

Summer has just begun. This means you/we should be extra thirsty. (amen) There is a remedy for that. Come to see us at Chris-Tina's and drink until you can sing like one of those American Idol people. I forgot their names already, but I won't forget yours. Make sure you have a designated driver. Yea! Pete I'm talking about you "the designated drunk". Thank you Mary.

On the following Sat. June 13th. my buddies "The Kopy Kats" will be at Chris-Tina's with some great 50's, early 60's and swing music. If this is your type of music as it is mine you will be sure to have a great time.

I almost forgot to mention that I not only do karaoke at Christina's, but have ventured out to doing pig roasts and Irish Wakes. Many of the local funeral parlors however have banned me from leaving my business card, but you can always be in touch with me by phone or e-mail. (Wow! I am impressed. I just did a spell check and got every word rite). Hope to see you on the 6th. As always 9:00pm -1:00am.

And - this isn't a one time thing, kids. Here's the email from the day after Charlene's birthday celebration:

Hello Family, Friends,In laws,Outlaws and mainly Karaoke lovers,

Sat. May 9th was great. We had a good turnout. It was Charlene's Birthday. I think she turned 30. I might be mistaken, but,she looked great. She and her husband Dan stop in when they can. You know they have to work. They are an awesome couple and sing some fantastic duets. They really rock.

You have to hear Chip. This man is 90 yrs. old. He's not on my e-mail list so he probably won't read this. He asked me if I had the song "Marajuanaville" by Mark Eddie which is a parody to "Margurateville" by Jimmy Buffett. Go figure, I had it. He raised the bar for the rest of the singers that followed . I also have to mention the ladies that sang my favorite song,"Baby Got Back". Man I thought I died and went to Karaoke Heaven. PLEASE COME BACK.

I have been doing Karaoke for about four years now and have saved enough money to go on a cruise. Yes this summer I will be going on the Captain JP. I understand it is a 3-4 hr. cruise. I am so excited. I could not have done this without you. Thank you all.

Let me get serious only for a second. Over the past four years I have visited many Karaoke Bars and met some great KJ/DJ's and some bad ones. I try to model myself after the good ones and I do not mind dropping names because I don't consider them as competiors, but friends and family. Bob Treffiletti (The Bob Treffiletti Project), Pam Trainer and Tammy LaBrake (U-Sing-U-Dance), Scott McNelis (KTENT1) Johnny Hodgkinson (Kustom Entertainment), Marie Slagen (Face The Music) and Cris and Collett Drennan (Spotted Cat Music). If you want to have a good time check these people out. Where and when? Find out for yourself. Hey how much of a plug do they want anyhow.

Remember Sat. May 23rd. 9 PM-1AM I will be back at Chris-Tina's trying to give you the best of all my mentors and throw in a little extra of my own. Hope to see you then.

Cute Kid Alert: Welcome to the Gun Show!

The apple does not fall far from the tree, kids. Behold:



She is shouting "WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW!" in case you aren't sure.